In 2014, I got a prophecy from God that said: “The only thing that would stop you from being what God wants you to be, will be a relationship” and after receiving that prophecy, I always wondered what relationship it was going to be.
After a couple years of dating guys in long distance relationships, I still couldn’t figure out what relationship it was. Until this year when I got out of a very toxic relationship that the enemy had sent my way to destroy me.
So if you want to know what happened in my 2018 and how the enemy almost tried to destroy me, then keep on reading.
January 2018 was unexplainable.
I had started my first ever job in the cooperate world as an intern and I was really excited. I learned how to drive on the highway for the first time because I used to be so terrified of it, but I eventually got a hang of it. My car faced a lot of trails this month (lol) and honestly, it seriously affected my journey to work. But God was faithful and protected me from getting into any accidents (even when I was completely far away from Him), so I’m definitely thankful for that.
February 2018 was painful.
I was still in a toxic relationship and I shed many tears that I couldn’t seem to wipe away. Each time the tears were slowly starting to dry off, it came back overflowing like a wave, and I felt there was nothing I could do to stop it. I hated my job in the cooperate world– although the pay was great–and I never seemed to get used to waking up every day at 6 am to make a 45mins drive to work without regretting ever majoring in engineering. But overall, I got through February, so I guess Jesus was still looking after me.
March 2018 was nothing to remember.
Honestly, I feel like I was so into my work that I completely forgot to live. I focused so much on blogging and growing my social media following that I was willing to overwork myself to make the most out of it. In addition, I spent so much money this month on makeup that I regret ever watching beauty YouTubers tell me how to waste my money. Either way, God kept supplying my needs, so I’m grateful for that.
April 2018 was very mundane
I still kept spending so much money on makeup because I had made it an idol in my life. And if I knew then what I know now, I probably would have saved all that money for a rainy day. I still shed tears in April, but as always, I tried to pick myself up by focusing more on my income to distract myself from the depression I experienced.
May 2018 was a month of destruction.
At the beginning of the month, I prayed a short prayer to God and told Him to give me peace. I prayed that prayer with tears in my eyes because I knew I had no peace. On top of it, my mother fasted and prayed for my relationship to be destroyed, because she knew that I didn’t deserve to be with the person I was with. And as God would have it, He answered the prayer super quick!!! In the middle of May, I went through a breakup that was more of a relief than an actual breakup. And although I shed many tears for it. I was very glad it ended. I also got to move to a new apartment to live all by myself. And although I was very afraid of making that change, I knew it was what I needed in order to heal. I faced so much betrayal in May, and God revealed to me a lot of people’s true colours. So even though I got a lot of sleepless nights that month, I was able to find the truth in people. My internship also ended in this month and I began summer classes right after. I never got the chance to take a break and heal, but overall, God definitely got me through it.
June 2018 was a fresh start.
I was still taking classes so I had the opportunity to use school as a distraction. But as much as I tried to distract myself, the heartache was so difficult to bear. I still cried a lot this month and I tried to find any means possible to heal myself from what I was feeling. More and more rumours were made about me this month, but luckily, I had good friends and family members around to be a huge support to me. I also was slowly reading into the new age (without really knowing the danger) as my way of getting therapy from the heartache I was feeling, but I was never really healed because all it made me become was even more broken. I got to meet a new guy that I shortly dated this month as a distraction. And although he was considered a church boy, his lifestyle revealed the opposite. I didn’t have discernment at this time because I wasn’t saved, so it was quite difficult for me to distinguish true from fake Christians.
July 2018 was confusing
I got an interview to return to my old job, but I eventually didn’t go back. Things suddenly ended between me and the church dude because I hadn’t fully healed from my old relationship and I honestly didn’t like him. So although he had a good heart, he just wasn’t my type. I eventually ended up hating God and denying His existence, because the pain became so much to bear and the thought of serving Him became dead.
August 2018 was a month of oh-my-goodness.
Did I mention I hated God in July? Well, guess what? I gave the enemy a huge door to come in and make my life even more miserable. This month was a month of tears, confusion, deception, joyful tears and salvation. I started out this month with some hope of healing and although I felt new age deception was doing the healing, it really wasn’t. I managed to do pretty well in my classes with all the heartache, and it was quite surprising to see God actually helping me out in my school work, even though a huge part of me had this hate towards Him. But still, I had this void that needed to be filled and nothing seemed to be filling it. I lived alone in my apartment with absolutely no one to talk to about what I was going through, and so I kept it all to myself and cried so many tears to sleep. Eventually, I got so tired of crying and asked God to lead me to truth, because apparently, He was hinting me to come towards truth. But since I was so blinded then, I couldn’t really tell. He eventually came to the rescue and saved me from my misery. It was an amazing experience encountering the presence of Jesus in my life. My tears of sorrow turned into tears of Joy and honestly, I never thought in a million years that I would have gotten to this position. God also gave me a Christian group to be a part of and I’m so grateful for the new friends He put in my life.
September 2018 was a month of the new creation.
I got baptized on the 1st of September and it was an amazing day. Dedicating my life to Jesus was the best decision I made and it completely changed me. He healed my heartbreak completely and it was the best thing He did for me. Every pain I felt suddenly disappeared and I became a completely new person. I learned in this month that time doesn’t heal all wounds, but Jesus does. I fought a lot of demons this month. It was too much to handle. All the soul ties from my ex-relationship had to be broken and I spent most of my days praying and feeding on the word. I also lost many friends this month. I had to cut off many friends that I had come to know and others that I had known for a long time. And it was the best decision I made! On the 29th of September, I received the baptism of the Holy Spirit and spoke in tongues for the first time. And it was the best day of this entire year!!!! I also started a new internship this month that God blessed me with. So it turned out to be an amazing month for me because I received a lot of blessings from Him, both financially and spiritually.
October 2018 was a month of growing and pruning.
I started to build my relationship with my now and forever best friend “Holy Spirit”. I started to hear His voice a lot more and our relationship grew by the day. I was so occupied with His love that I didn’t want anyone or anything to separate me from Him. I got to meet a new amazing boy this month who actually started dating me. But since I was too in love with God way more than Him, I had to cut him off. This month was all about me and Holy Spirit. I was so in love with Him that I locked myself indoors just dwelling in His presence. He revealed to me a lot of secrets that my toxic ex hid from me in my past relationship and many secrets in general, and it made me extremely thankful for going through all the pain that I faced in May. He also revealed to me that the horrible relationship I faced was the prophecy given to me in 2014, and it made me relieved to know that He saved me from it. I also turned 21 this month, and it was a blast! Jesus came for my birthday and I stood in my kitchen shedding tears as He watched me cut my ice cream cake and eat it. OH, what JOY! I also gave up on beauty, because God had made it known to me that it had nothing to do with my calling and I had also lost my passion for it.
November 2018 was a month of maturation.
I grew so much spiritually this month, I’m still in awe at the pace at which God grew me. I was able to prophesy this month, cast out devils, pray for the sick and see healings, see in the spirit, discern spirits, dream dreams, grow in wisdom and understanding, walk with the presence of God, and lead people to Jesus. And if that wasn’t enough, God blessed me financially this month and I had enough to cater to my needs and spend the extras on wants. Intimacy with God also became stronger this period to the point that He became the only person I spent my sleeping and waking moments with. There’s so much He’s been telling me, which I won’t disclose on my blog because it’s personal between me and Him alone, but intimacy does reveal a lot of secrets. My knowledge of God grew so much this month, that I started to see a lot of different sides to Him that I didn’t even know were there. This made my relationship with Him become so much stronger and honestly, He really is all I’ve got.
December 2018 was a month of getting ready.
God has revealed so much to me and I got to grow even more this month. I’ve also had to pray longer this month because the enemy has been trying to attack me. I fell in love with the spirit realm this month that I didn’t want anything to do with this world anymore. My focus this month was so heavenly based that I was engrossed on seeing angels, awaiting heavenly visitations and seeking the kingdom. I completely lost focus on my internship, but I still successfully completed it without any problems. Also, this month, I had days when I got attacked, but since I’ve grown spiritually, I was able to stand up and fight those demons. God used me again as His vessel this month, to lead more people to Christ and I’m so grateful to be a vessel for the Lord. I also got to sit with Holy Spirit this month and plan out our 2019 because I know it would be an amazing year with Him.
Overall, 2018 was a year of destruction and an amazing reconstruction. I’m super glad to see that Father loves me so much to get me to where I am at right now.
I’m excited for 2019!