I almost had sex yesterday. Yes, I said it. I almost did. I was literally so close to getting myself involved in the deal, but THANK THE LORD I got out of it quicker than I had expected.
A few days ago, Holy Spirit gave me a dream warning me about the spirit of lust. I ignored it (LMAO). I actually ignored it because I just assumed it was one of those weird dreams from the enemy, so I didn’t actually see it as a warning.
However, a couple of days after I had the dream, He prompted me to pray against lust which was sort of a strong hold on me, because I found myself struggling with it. But still, I was very stubborn about it, and actually felt like I had enough self-control, so I ignored Him again. What nonsense!!
I’m not going to discuss on the blog who the person I am currently with is (because I’m trying to keep my private life very private), but I found myself in a position where I literally fell too deep (and he did) and we basically almost lost ourselves.
I really don’t even know how the heck I was able to get out of that situation, but all that kept coming to my mind was 1 Corinthians 10:13
“No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it.” – 1 Corinthians 10:13
Right after escaping the temptation, I basically cried. I cried so hard because I felt I had let Holy Spirit down. I felt disgusted, guilty and just ashamed that I even thought of considering it. What was even crazy about it all was how conscious I was of Holy Spirit’s presence when the tempting was happening. I could still feel Him and sense Him, and it’s so sad that I almost allowed myself to defile His temple. Most importantly, I felt really ashamed of the fact that I thought I had so much self-control even when in reality I didn’t. Plus, He warned me several times about it, and I didn’t take the opportunity to really address it once and for all. So at that moment, I really felt like David, begging for forgiveness.
All of it just made me feel really sad, and He also felt pretty bad too.
Sometimes, I forget how important addressing lust is because I usually just have the mindset that I’ll never find myself in that situation. But little did I know that I can’t really fight this flesh on my own. I still need to set boundaries to avoid falling.
After this experience, I promised myself to make drastic changes in terms of how we choose to see each other and also how we interact with each other.
It’s very very very difficult to exercise self-control, especially with someone you care about, and from this, I learned the importance of using wisdom as well as following the guidance of Holy Spirit when dealing with intimate relationships.
If you’re currently in a relationship and are practising abstinence, I strongly suggest relying on the guidance of the Holy Spirit as you go along in your relationship. If you begin to notice yourself feeling any form of sexual urges, don’t just brush it off as I did. Instead, deal with it head on as it comes, as brushing things off would only give the enemy a greater opportunity to use it against you.
I definitely learned a HUGE lesson.