So recently, I decided to have a conversation with God. Because for the past few weeks I’ve been so busy and distracted. My mom came over so I couldn’t get alone time with God. Plus, I’ve just been stressing about so many things, especially with my dad passing.
I think His death sort of shifted my focus in many ways and also made me give up on a lot of things I found interest in.
However, since I got more time to myself recently, I decided to sit down and have a conversation with God.
And honestly, the conversation went south.
Apparently, I’ve been walking out of my flesh a ton lately. And with all the noise around me, I wasn’t really able to focus and give Him time and attention.
I was so busy thinking of ways to move on with my grief that I literally pushed Him out of the picture to focus more on myself. And that resulted in me making decisions that He didn’t appove of.
One of it being the fact that I decided to quit talking about my faith.
I knew He was going to bring this subject up and I think it’s one of the biggest reasons why I kept avoiding Him. Because for a while now, I’ve just found myself struggling with my faith.
And since I didn’t want others who read my faith posts to be led astray, I decided that quitting was the wisest thing for me to do.
Basically, I’ve been going through a faze of anxiety (due to my grief) which was one of the reasons why I sought out therapy. And because of that, I ended up slowly pulling away from God. Not intentionally though, but rather because there was so much I needed to deal with in my private life.
However, after this conversation with Him, I started to gain some clarity.
Sadly, He didn’t want me to quit faith posts. But I kept making excuses as to why I wasn’t worthy of even speaking about Him publicly.
I honestly don’t see myself as being qualified for ministy or anything related. Because I’m really not a perfect christian. I struggle a lot and I have days where I basically act out of my flesh and throw out curse words. Plus, I don’t want other believers to be led astray because of my imperfections, hence why quitting seemed ideal to me.
Regardless of my solid reasons, He still wanted me to not give up. And I honestly don’t know why…
I’m not here to say that I’m bringing faith related posts back, because I don’t think it’s for me. However, I just felt I should share it with you guys…
Till next time,