I was scrolling through my Instagram a couple of days ago when I stumbled across this post:
When I read it, I got really pissed. Because apparently the person who came up with that post just happened to miss a 5th point that I believe needed to be part of the list.
And honestly, it needs to say: “Happy and living your best life”
As someone who is currently in her single-season and loving every bit of it, it sort of seemed weird to me that someone would make up such an assumption about single people.
And frankly speaking, given the way society views singleness these days, I’m actually not surprised that people would come up with these speculations.
Anyways, I wanted to make sure that I wasn’t the only one who felt an extra point deserved to be on the list, so I decided to call up my single friend Sarah to hear her opinion on this Instagram post.
Be sure to check out our conversation on the podcast HERE if you would like to know how the call went down.
With that being said, seeing such a post did inspire me to come up with a how-to guide on being single. Because I honestly believe that a lot of people don’t know what it means to be single. Hence why I decided to offer you guys some wisdom on what singleness is really all about.
HOW TO BE SINGLE
1.) Cut off all ties with your past
So I’m the girl who basically blocks all her ex-boyfriends the minute a relationship ends. It’s a piece of advice my older sisters gave me while growing up and honestly it has stuck with me for the longest.
Cutting off ties has really helped me a lot in dealing with breakups and embracing singleness. So I advise you to do the same if you just happen to be single.
I notice that a lot of people tend to still remain in touch with their ex’s after a breakup, which I find to be very unhealthy. Especially if both partners truly want to move on.Staying in touch with an ex would only fuel denial, which would make it difficult for both individuals (especially the dumpee) to come to terms with the breakup. Hence why cutting all ties is very essential. Click To Tweet
2.) Find yourself and Heal your wounds
In order to be really single, you need to make sure that you focus on healing any wounds you have from your past. Whether it’s friendship wounds, family wounds or even previous relationship wounds.
Every area in your life that requires healing should be addressed in order to really embrace singleness. Or else, you would remain in a position of discontentment and resentment which could possibly throw you into a cycle of rebound relationships.
It’s also important that you use this time to find your purpose and your identity. If not, your season of singleness will be filled with frustration and confusion. Which is definitely not the way to live your best life.
3.) Focus on your values
To be really single requires focusing on your values and staying true to it. Use this time to think about what you want out of life as well as your next relationship (if you happen to want one eventually).
It’s also important that you use this period to figure out if you are called to singleness for a season or for a lifetime. Because I truly believe that not everyone is supposed to be in a relationship/marriage.
Sometimes, God calls people to be single for a lifetime and gives them the grace to go through life without the desire of a relationship. So if you just happen to be in that category, it’s important that you hold on to that value.
4.) Keep dating on a halt
Some people might not agree with this, but honestly, in order to be really single, you need to pause on dating. Sometimes, having someone else in the picture can be distracting. Especially if you’re still trying to find yourself and your purpose. So I advise you to take time off dating to really find yourself.
And honestly, I know quite a lot of people who are so afraid to be alone that they rather keep someone on the side to fill that loneliness.
So if you just happen to be that type of person, my advice to you is to try and understand the difference between being alone vs being single.
Know that you don’t have to be alone to be single. In fact, singleness in itself is all about embracing oneself without having to seek validation from another.
So if you still feel the need to have someone around you, you may just need to work on building yourself and your confidence again. That way, you won’t constantly look to others for companionship.
5.) Develop an intimate relationship with God
In your single season, you will need to cultivate an intimate relationship with God. Allow Him to fill your heart with His love, so that you won’t have to constantly seek after a relationship to get love.
Often times, the reason why people get discontent with their single-season is that they haven’t really gotten a chance to experience the love of God. Know that God wants to pour His love inside your heart so that you can pour that same love into others and not seek after it from someone else.
Let me know in the comments if you’re currently in your single season. How is it going for you?